Oh, there is so much depth of emotion and sheer experience to paint on this beautiful canvass but I have weary eyes and just came out of hours of family game time — drained needless to say.    I am reading Eat, Pray, Love (a phenomenal book which could have written by my own hands and experiences), a delicious book that reminds me of how much I yearn to write my own compilation of personal stories some day.  No better way to get it all down than in a blog, right?

I am in Kauai with my dad and his wife, her son Cy, and my sister and her boyfriend Tyler.  Pete, my better half (who I am so madly in love with), was blessed to be here for the first 5 1/2 days but flew to Indiana last night (part of me wishes so badly I could be there with him and his lovely family) for Christmas.  But who am I to wish anything other than my own perfect destiny, which entails staying in paradise for another few wonderful days.

I am reminded these days how incredibly beautiful, peaceful, and rich life is on this island of blue waters, lush trails, waterfalls, fresh exotic produce and a warm breeze that never ceases to stir your senses.  I have not been here since age…6 with the fam and 2005 with Shyam, Joe and Amy for a week of adventure in Kalalau.  So far in this chapter we have hiked and slid down muddy slopes to find massive, powerful waterfalls to bathe in, spent a day in a boat along the Na Pali coast watching whales, swimming (yes, in the water, listening to their communication tools!!) with hundreds of spinner dolfin in bright blue, shimmering, crystal-clear water, and even sea turtles and sharks!  We’ve been enticed by the scents and beauty of tropical flowers falling on the ground just waiting to be picked up, eaten strawberry papayas and pineapples and pina coladas and fried bananas with ice cream for dessert and bowls of acai in the sunshine.   Oh, and we visited a crystal medicine woman who had thousands of crystals for sale around her property, one for each chakra, to open it and move the energy from one place to another and to strengthen you in certain areas.  At this same house we met “magic” the cat who does kitty acupuncture and opens chakras through healing reiki and other methods of therapy.  I have been obsessed and intrigued by crystals ever since I was given my first in 2000 but more importantly since crystal hunting in the mountains of Chapada Diamantina, Bahia, Brazil.  But even I get skeptical of kitty reiki and crystals that open your throat chakra.

Christmas is in 45 minutes Hawaii time, and I must say it feels nothing like it in the traditional sense, which is refreshing and completely fine by me! I would gladly exchange material possessions and wasteful customs for the crystalline waters of Kalalau and the laughter of my sister playing in the ocean next to me.

It feels like I’ve been on vacation for a long time, and the more time I have off the harder it is to imagine going back to work…I start dreaming about knitting, doing daily yoga, spending late mornings with my amazing new roommates in Noe Valley, or traveling to India or Thailand for a month plus of self discovery and exploration.  I have dedicated my life to activism and social change but have been struggling for 26 years to not feel like a stranger to myself when I try to talk about the issues I care most deeply about and end up offending people or making them angry.  I also take everything so personally it’s just a matter of a switch and I turn into a closed off person with anger and pain bubbling up inside my veins.  Maybe I would be a better eco warrior if I could hone my weaponry use and truly love myself.

I am in love with Pete as if it were the first month. The whole idea and philosophy of Pete Huff is just beautiful. He means everything to me, and represents all good things in the world, and I welcome him as one puzzle piece in the grand explosion of colors. But I will hold onto this shiny, playful, delicious gem until it slips through my fingers, into deeper waters with a daily prayer of blessings and gratitude.  I will treasure him and love him as I do my own spirit, granted a daily opportunity to find a sense of spiritual fulfilment.  So much to be thankful for in this bright, nourishing life. Sleeeeepy…..